I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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