I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
