closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
