Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
