wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
