Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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