I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
