He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
