im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
