i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
