There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
