Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
