please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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