i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
