Where did you get a picture of my penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
