Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just high enough for therapy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
