worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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