if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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