dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
