i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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