do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
