I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
