were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
