There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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