my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
