I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
