Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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