If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
