If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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