What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
