Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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