my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
