I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
