Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
