There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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