OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
