Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
