i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
there is puke in my bra ... again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
