I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
