so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
