it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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