i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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