hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
