The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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