it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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