Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
