I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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