Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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