Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
