i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize