should my penis look like a turkey
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
