put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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