I hope mine doesn't look like that
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize