i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
