I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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