You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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