So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
