How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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