I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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