im drinking this country out of the recession.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
