is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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