I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
