I hate your face
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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