Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
