Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
