I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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