I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
