it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
