I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
