just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
