can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
