I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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