Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
