my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
