you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
