Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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