wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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