It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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