im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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