I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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