I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
