Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I'm passing your future prison.

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  (619): I'm passing your future prison. http://tfl.nu/j7g6
  Replies (15) Good night (4441) Bad night (1120)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them

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  (314): my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them http://tfl.nu/57b7
  Replies (7) Good night (3512) Bad night (1301)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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  (850): I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night. http://tfl.nu/vbgm
  Replies (10) Good night (4866) Bad night (1452)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.

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  (917): My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked. http://tfl.nu/yy4v
  Replies (16) Good night (4600) Bad night (1044)
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  (310): View more from California

  Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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  (310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars. http://tfl.nu/7ljv
  Replies (187) Good night (9483) Bad night (7465)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.

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  (573): Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more. http://tfl.nu/vzn5
  Replies (4) Good night (1152) Bad night (2040)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol

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  (+44): It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol http://tfl.nu/lr14
  Replies (7) Good night (3148) Bad night (957)
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  (925): View more from California

  Did we literally take a cab across the street

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  (925): Did we literally take a cab across the street http://tfl.nu/hdnq
  Replies (10) Good night (3549) Bad night (1211)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....

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  (817): Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system.... http://tfl.nu/zett
  Replies (9) Good night (2892) Bad night (902)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek

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  (864): I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek http://tfl.nu/7b27
  Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (1317)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He didn't think we needed a taxi

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  (814): I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving (301): He didn't think we needed a taxi http://tfl.nu/o7fa
  Replies (1) Good night (1575) Bad night (652)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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  (503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl
  Replies (8) Good night (1022) Bad night (510)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump

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  (860): I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump http://tfl.nu/62ek
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (785)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes

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  (970): Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes http://tfl.nu/j9tk
  Replies (5) Good night (1633) Bad night (454)
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  (760): View more from California

  Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?

  (760): View more from California

  The other one.

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  (760): Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée? (760): The other one. http://tfl.nu/3ull
  Replies (4) Good night (361) Bad night (588)

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