The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
