my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome