Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail