my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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